You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
