Im at strip club and am horny
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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