im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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