That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
