Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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