yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
