all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
