It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
