Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
