I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
