There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
wow bdsm is so cute
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
