i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
