The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
