She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
