You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
