I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
