hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
