go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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