it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
