So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
