Can i not drive my cunt home
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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