Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
