When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
