Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
