I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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