I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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