have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
