Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
