Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
