Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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