There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
