I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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