I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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