I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
