First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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