We're like a lot better than the average bears
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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