Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
