I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
