Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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