I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
