Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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