Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
