Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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