I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
