My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
