I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
