I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
