like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
