You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
