So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
