I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
