clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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