I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
