Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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